My experience as a first time mom

When Lima was born, I was 29. I would say that I was somewhat prepared for a baby and he was planned. But I am almost inclined to say that nothing could have really prepared me to his mom.

I have had the most thrilling 2+ years and I would like to share a little bit of it with you.

Going anywhere with a baby is a mission. I had never had a helper before so I wasn't very clear about what I expected of her and there was a lot of ambiguity in our agreement and that back fired.

Longer story short, I ended up with the baby every weekend. I decided that I was not going to live my life indoors with him so I was going to take him with me everywhere I went.

When he was just under 1 year, we had a play date. I packed all his things and off we went.

The play date was fantastic and when it was time to change his nappy, I took his nappy bag and took him to the bathroom. It was one of those baby friendly bathrooms with the baby changing area, everything was great.

I took off his pants and nappy, looked inside his nappy and there are no nappies. I had mini panic attack because, how is this going to work? I just took off the only nappy we had. I started pacing in the small bathroom, what on earth am I going to do? There was only one thing to do..leave him there and run for my life. No, I didn't do that haha..I took deep breaths, put back his shorts, (no nappy), and crossed fingers he wouldn't pee and walked over to my mom friend and asked for a nappy. She was very understanding and gave me a nappy but I was mortified.

Babies cry hey. BB (before baby), I would be flying somewhere and be unfortunate enough to be allocated a seat in a row close to a small baby. I would roll my eyes while I take my seat and silently pray that the mom would keep the baby quiet, I am in no mood to hear a crying baby.

I was gracious about it of course because I am a nice person, I never made a comment but I secretly wished moms would do better.

Ya, that was until I took Lima on his first flight. He was just over 6 weeks at the time. I vaguely remember reading an article about the change in pressure affecting the baby's ears during takeoff and landing. During the flight, someone said something about the air pressure and discomfort but I wasn't listening. Someone else said something about putting a bottle in his mouth during take off or something, I wasn't listening to that either.

Let me back up, I wasn't listening because it was in the middle of July and it was so cold. I traveled to the airport alone. I had our luggage, his car seat and him. I had a jacket on, by the time I got to the terminal building, I was sweating like a pig, I wasn't in a position to listen to anything attentively.

Fast forward to take off, I don't remember if I gave him his bottle or not but he cried so much. Oh, and there was a couple across from us that had a little girl with cute pink clothes, about the same age, I later found out, she did not shed a tear. She was so well behaved, I wanted to ask if we could swap.

There were sympathetic voices offering advice and there were snarky comments too. He quieted down when we reached cruising altitude and it was the same story on descent.

Moral of the story, babies cry and moms are often flustered and overwhelmed. I am more understanding now.

Babies developmental milestones are different. This was a big one for me. So, I don't know if I have ever actually asked anyone but I do remember thinking to myself, why is that baby not walking, why is that baby not talking, aren't they the same age, isn't that baby older? You get the point.

As a mom, I am acutely aware of milestones and the projected time baby should be doing what. When the time approaches, I get anxiety because, what if the baby is not developing as he should? What if something is wrong? I always have to remind myself that babies develop at their own pace. The milestones in books and articles are only guidelines.

Some babies will do things faster and some will take their time. So now, I am very conscious not to ask, just in case the mom is also thinking that the baby should be walking but isn't..yet. I would hate to add to any anxiety.

Ask for help and be specific about the kind of help you need. I really struggled with this one. I had a lot of offers t help but I didn't know how to tell people the kind of help I needed. For the first 4 months after giving birth, all I wanted to do was sleep. I just didn't know how to say that someone must take the baby so I can go sleep. I thought that would make me look like a bad and lazy mother. What if the baby cried while I am busy sleeping?

I also really wanted a day to myself. I was scared to ask that someone look after the baby for a few hours while I go get coffee and some peace and quiet. I thought this too, would make me look bad. How dare I want to be away from my baby?

I was very resentful and felt like people weren't there for me but they were. I just didn't know how to ask for what I needed.

The whole journey has been an adventure. I have learnt more about myself in the past 2 years than I have my whole adult life. He is truly my gift from God in every single way.

Gcobisa M